For The Mean Time

for all 0 people who read this... i am now writing here for a bit. Log's Blog . its a dude fest

Dana White is PISSED

I've been a big fan of the UFC for about 3 years now and I'm glad to see it is growing. What can I say, I love to see people beat each other's asses and boxing doesn't do it for me. For those of you uneducated asshats, Dana White is the president of the UFC. He was questioned about steroids on Thursday and he had some great answers. It was only matter of time before the media started questioning these fighters about steroid usage. I'm sure a few guys have stabbed themselves with some needles but the sport is pure. First comes fighting technique and tactic, then comes strength. The fighters' workout regime is so intense that it makes sense for some of these guys to be HUGE. White has been talking down steroids trying to get some credibility but when he was asked about testing fighters he blew up:

"What would happen every Sunday every time an NFL player put his cleats on and headed out to the field they were tested by the government for steroids?" White queried Thursday from a podium inside the Mandalay Bay Events Center. "You want me to tell you? There would be no football, OK? Football would be over. Every player would be on suspension. Maybe the quarterback and the kicker would be out there on Sunday."

Is Dana White insinuating that Damon Huard DOESN'T shoot up? He really can't think that David Akers isn't on 'roids can he? I swear if he even accuses sexy Rexy I will never watch another fight.

There have been 82 positive results for steroids in Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) since it was installed in 2006. Nine of those have involved UFC fighters and the punishment is a one year suspension, which I would think should scare fighters away from juicing. Dana White has a new idea for roid ragers though:

"It's just, you know ... What do you want me to do? Start beating them with a stick? Drag them out to the middle of town and have all the villagers stone them to death? I mean, they lose the ability to make a living for a year (for testing positive). That's pretty harsh."

I've always wanted to stone someone...

Dana White
UFC

Trying Not to Get High Hopes

9 more days until kickoff in South Bend. I am giddy. Kind of like a pedophile at the LLWS. However this year I'm going to try and be more rational. The past two seasons have cost me a putter, a large dry erase board, my right hand, and a poor box of Special K. I still cry when I see Ambrose Wooden tracking down that douche bag on 4th and 9. I still kill a baby every time I see those fucks from Lansing stick that flag in the grass. Enough of the past. Let's look forward to the not so promising year for the Irish.

Charlie Weis is good. I don't care what the criticizers say about him, he is a damn good coach. I know he is a giant ass, and has a giant ass, but I love him. The quarterback situation is ugly this year since Jimmy Clausen is not 100%. Evan Sharpley is the last guy I want to see taking the snaps even though he has "experience." Demetrius Jones is black and I hate the scrambling QB so basically I won't be happy whoever is chosen. Clausen clearly has the most potential, but I believe it is best for him to be red shirted this year. The last thing he needs is to go into a game against a tough schedule and play poorly because he hasn't been practicing at full strength. The media will eat him alive and the freshman will crumble and lose any confidence he may have left. Maybe Ron Powlus can spark of his old magic into the hearts of the Irish...

The O-Line brings back John Sullivan and Sam Young who is part-human, part-giant. Weis has been training the o-line to learn multiple positions because of the youth, and lack of depth. So basically the o-line sucks and when the o-line is bad, the team is bad (See Cleveland Browns' last 10 years).

The running game has potential with a thunder and lightning style. Travis Thomas is a freak of a human. He made the transition to LB last year since Darius Walker would be the one carrying the football, however this year he will probably be the go to guy at HB. Speaking of Walker, that was the most idiotic move ever to go to the draft. When I saw that he declared, I hired an agent thinking that if Darius got drafted, I could get drafted. Back to Thomas. It is probable that he will play both ways this year and then some special teams. He has speed, but is more of a power back. James Aldridge was last year's big recruit at half back and has a lot of potential. He will get his share of carries this year until Weis figures out which back is best for the team. Senior Junior Jabbie and freshman Armando Allen are the two speedsters out of the backfield. Weis has said that Jabbie has been a nice surprise early on.

John Carlson is a stud. DJ Hord might be good. David Grimes should be better. George West might actually see an offensive snap. However, facts are facts and Notre Dame has zero big targets at wide out. Robby Paris didn't really play last year and he's 6'3 making him the tallest player in the corps, but he sucks right now. The tight ends are very solid and should be for a long time. Will Yeatman, Mike Ragone, and Duval Karama are all young and gifted. Yeatman is 6'6, 260 and leads the lacrosse team in points (whatever that means). The more I write this, the more I realize how bad ND is going to be, and I haven't even gotten to the defense yet.

Fuck special teams, no matter who kicks the field goals I'm always scared. It is like having a bad closer in baseball except more nerve racking when I have to close my eyes on the extra points.

Trevor Laws and Derrell Hand lead the Irish D-line this fall. Notre Dame converted to the 3-4 defense under Weis and it suits them just as well as the 4-3. It still sucks. Pat Kuntz is fighting Chris Stewart for the nose tackle spot and personally I want Pat Kuntz playing even if he is the worse player. Just imagine some of the signs and references you could make for this guy. I won't even get into it.

Linebackers are on the same disastrous level as last year. Maurice Crum Jr. is the star, but Weis has shown interest in John Ryan. No he does not crash weddings, (wow I'm so funny) he is a DE converted OLB with good speed. Joe Brockington will get the start as long as Toryan Smith doesn't beat him out and senior Anthony Vernaglia is the front runner right now but Scott Smith is also showing some skill. Nonetheless everyone will end up blowing ass like usual.

Terrail Lambert showed some large steps in his progression last year and I'm excited to see what he can do. He may just be the first corner to actually try since Vontez "I'm the best player ever" Duff. Ambrose Wooden is back too. Damnit. Darrin Walls and Raeshon McNeil were the two huge recruit from last year and should get some playing time in the nickel and dime. Gary Gray is the noob this year and just look at his name. He is so cool that he only switches around two letter from his first name to his last. He must be good. David Bruton will start opposite of Jesus Christ this year at safety. Jesus has lost some weight and gotten his speed back from 2 years ago. His boxing career and shoulder injury had an impact on his performance last year but he should be back to performing miracles.

As far as the schedule goes...
vs. GaTech- W
@ Penn St.- W
*Anthony Morelli is the worst player ever. If I hear any more hype about that stupid wop I am going to fucking shit myself. Name one good thing about him.
@ Mich- L
vs Mich St.- W
@ Purdue- W
@ UCLA- L
*Watch out for UCLA this year.
vs BC - L
vs USC - L
vs Navy, Air Force, Duke- W
@ Stanford- W.

If I can do math that comes to 8-4. GROSS, but I think it's expected. I think the BC game could swing in Notre Dame's favor but after the last couple BC games there is no point in pretending the Irish can win. I'm excited but skeptical.

I aint Goin' Back 2 Jail

I'm getting bored with it. I just don't understand what goes through a humans brain sometimes. I'm talking about college athletes' run ins with the law. Not the alcohol offenses that seem to pop out, but felony theft, rape, assault and so on. Two more WVU football players are being charged in the stealing of computer. These kids are my peers. When I wake up in the morning I rarely find myself turning to my roommate and saying, "Hey Mike let's go steal a fucking laptop today. After that we can kill a cop and beat his wife. Whaddya say pal?"

Rich Rodriguez is an artard. WVU is trying really hard to live up to the standards of the U. Of course, the one frosh is from the fine state of Florida, where children are raised as inbreds and criminals. Rodriguez has recruited thugs like Pacman and Chris Henry for the fact that they had great talent. I love a coach who loves to win. Especially ones who settle for the talented kids who can't speak or read. It's not like the coach is all to blame. These kids were groomed through high school with free grades and would get away with anything. Wasted talent pisses me off.

Uber Leet Gamerz

Not having internet for the past week has really opened my mind to realize that I can't actually function without it. Peanut butter and internet. One cannot survive for more than 2 weeks without both of them. I was down to my last seven days but don't worry I made it.

When I lose in a video game I usually become emotionally depressed for a few hours, sometimes days. However the fine technologically advanced country known as "Japan" has invented a game that punishes its gamers. In the popular game "Arm Spirit," nerds arm wrestle a machine. I can't even win a regular arm wrestling match let alone one versus a fucking machine.

This hit game has decided to break its' opponents arms. Three of them. Some poor little kid just wanted to go have a ball at Chuckie Cheeses but he came home with a broken arm.

"The machine isn't that strong, much less so than a muscular man. Even women should be able to beat it," said Atlus spokeswoman Ayano Sakiyama, calling the recall "a precaution."

Arm Spirit

Wanna be Paris Hilton for a Day?

Well now you can in the comfort of your own home. GSN.com has come out with their 2nd Paris Hilton game and I think this one is actually challenging. It is titled The Prison Life 2: Full Release and it is the sequel to The Prison Life: Paris Hilton. You can try your luck on it but beware, do not crush Tinkerbell.

3 Signs the World is Spiraling Downward. Fast

Sometimes when I read or experience certain things I think about what the future has in store for me. However, recently I have come to a conclusion that people suck. After graduating from college (which could be a few more years because the idea of being an adult blows) life is probably going to be grueling. Anyways, I've come across three embarrassing things that are accelerating the demise of the World.

Recently a New Zealand couple actually tried to name their newborn son '4Real.' They seriously tried putting an actual number in their child's name. I like to think it may be possible that they were just saving some time for their son so he wouldn't have to think of a rap alter ego, but no they tried using it because the ultrasound showed the kid squirming around and realized it was for real. This puts into question the fact that they really are a couple because it kind of sounds like they are surprised she got knocked up. Unfortunately, the government blocked the usage of '4Real' so the couple had to settle with naming their kid 'Superman.' That is fucking ridiculous. I'm pissed. Clearly not as mad as the father, Pat Wheaton who said:

“No matter what, it’s going to stay 4Real,” Wheaton told the Herald, “I’m certainly not a quitter.”

Whatever. Let's move on. Law enforcement in Tacoma, Washington is pathetic, lazy, and stereotypical. Apparently they are having large gang troubles in their transit systems so instead of using UCs or just actual cops to stop it, they are installing large speakers and playing classical music like Bach and Beethoven. They seriously are trying to drive gangs out away by playing classical music. If it really annoys the drugies that much, I think they could move to a different location. Wait... maybe if they used real officers instead of music they could catch them during their deals and put them in jail, or they could just cause drug deals to occur elsewhere. Hell yes it gets better. Apparently they aren't playing the music because classical is is the opposite spectrum of what a gang member might listen to, but its from an environmental stand point:

“It’s based on routine activity theory and situational crime prevention. You mix different types of activities in locations that are crime-ridden to change the composition of the environment,” said psychologist Jacqueline Helfgott, who chairs the Criminal Justice Department at Seattle University.

What?

Well here's my favorite. I was doing a project where I needed a picture of the London Bridge. (By the way you can try this at home) Naturally I go to the Google image search and type it in. A picture of Fergie pops up in the 2nd row. The society is tainted. The World is declining. We need help. We need Macgyver.

OH cool I just tried that London Bridge thing again and it didn't come up. But seriously you can just take my word for it because I was pissed off and traumatized.

www.msn.com
www.msn.com

Top 5 Real Men

DISCLAIMER- At times during this rant you may think I am batting left handed but I can assure you I am straighter than Mike Piazza.

I am not talking about practice, I am talking about giant freaks that need some recognition. These guys might not be the best at what they do, but you will be scared to tell them that to their faces. Let's just get right into it...

#5 Shawn Crable

Okay this really pains me to do this but....


...Sorry Brady. Well Crable was born a day after Christmas and I'm guessing that wasn't a mistake. He is a 6'5, 245 pound linebacker with the speed of a corner back. As seen above, he clearly did not sack Quinn because Brady is too good looking to get sacked, but he is just tea bagging the clearly anguished QB. That would really hurt. Crable has turned into a leader on the fairly new Michigan defense and it looks as if he will have to do most of the work himself. Shawny boy will intercept at least 4 passes, earn 8 sacks, and kill 2 humans in '07.

#4 DJ Mbenga. Who? DJ Mbenga

He can't speak English. He can't really play basketball. He has no reason to be on the court whatsoever. Sounds like a Mark Cuban kind of guy. Only put in the game to commit hard fouls, DJ Mbenga is the biggest man I have ever seen. I am pretty sure he was raised in the Congo by rabid apes but we just don't know for sure because he cant speak. I was at a Cavs vs Mavs game two years back and Lebron drove to the hole and was immediately pummeled by a forearm to the face. Yes it was Mbenga's flailing arm and Lebron took his usual 2 minutes of "I'm not really hurt, but I like to give people heart attacks" rolling around on the floor. Or to simplify things from now on let's just call it a soccer injury. (Completely off topic but I was watching some soccer game last week and was bitching about one of the players crying like a pussy but then they actually carried him off and he never came back. 1st time ever. I was shocked). Mbenga is 7'0, 255 pounds and also moves faster than the average giant. For his daily workout routine he does not lift weights, he lifts the entire facility, 3 sets of 10, and goes home.

#3 Batista... Yea I said it.

I absolutely will put a professional wrestler on here. If he played a real sport he would be #1, but he parties with the likes of John Cena and Booker T. It is very safe to say that this is a big man and I am going to guess that he works out at least once per week. Batista is 6'6, 290 and I bet his body fat is a solid 3% max. Basically he has muscles in places that I didn't even know were possible. No, those aren't 2 unborn fetuses attached to his neck, those are his traps. Batista starts every morning out with an unbalanced breakfast of 3 baby calves and steroids. If he was America's last hope to save the world, I wouldn't even be scared. Even Chris Benoit would be no match for Batista. If you ever get into an argument with this man the following strategy should be used: run around in circles until he catches you, kick him in the balls, oh shit he doesn't have them any more because of roids, brace yourself, Batista Bomb. Play dead.

#2 Ray Lewis

Ray stabbed a person. The witnesses were too afraid to accuse Ray. Ray go home happy. There's no point in saying anything, Ray is a freak.

#1 Brandon Jacobs

I haven't seen anyone run over this many people since Maurice Clarett (I don't care if I spelled that wrong he should be shot anyways). Before his running duties he was Auburn's wedge buster

and it takes a brave man to not move when he is coming at you. Oh, and here's full speed. Jacobs is 6'4, 265 and carries people like Spike from Little Giants. He is the clearly the most real of all men and that kind of sounded like saying he's more now (cringe).

I will stab you in the leg if you take my starting job

It's the most wonderful time of the year and Rutgers is ranked better than 106 teams in college football. The Scarlet Knights had their glory last year and everybody loved them, but let's get serious. Brian Leonard was the best full back in football last year and he is now doing Brian Leonard things. Not to take anything away from Ray Rice, but Leonard played a huge role in Rice's 1700 yard year. If Rice continues his ridiculousness in '07 then... ROIDS ROIDS ROIDS. Also, Mike Teel is still quarterbacking for Rutgers and in case you all didn't notice, he is real bad. We can get technical and say Chuck Knoblauch actually has a more accurate arm because he has never thrown an interception.

Taking a look at the victims, the biggest snub goes to Arkansas. Darren McFadden was actually #3 in the polls but then the voters forgot they had to take into account the rest of the Razorbacks and they plummeted to #20. This team is scary talent-wise and on top of that they have a schedule easier than the Buckeyes which upsets Ohio St. from their annual cake eating title. Sure, Mitch Mustain transferred but he also committed to 3 different schools before choosing Arkansas. That leaves Casey Dick behind center with McFadden and his co-1,000 yard rusher Felix Jones in the backfield. If Arkansas fairs well in the SEC they could find themselves ranked ahead of Rutgers at years end.

Ohhhh who better to talk about than the school with the coolest nickname ever... Nebraska! Welcome Sam Keller and thank you for not having a brain Arizona State coaching staff. Who would have ever thought that Sam Keller would have to work hard to fill Zac Taylor's shoes? If you answered no one, then you're correct. Keller is Nebraska's first "real" quarterback since forever and the Huskers seem to have more random running backs pop out of holes than stalks of corn. I am not saying they will have a good year, but I will guarantee they finish ahead of the Scarlet Knights and clearly that is all that is important.

Ummm yeah someone didn't get the memo about Miami (FL) having to be ranked at all times. When the canes finished the year at 6-6 and were ranked #4 I knew something was fishy but no one seemed too upset about it. Ever since Brock Berlin and Kyle Wright took the helms the most precious "U" is a bunch of poo. Yet, every year I am glued to the screen to watch FSU and Miami (FL). Same result. Every year. I am going to predict this year's outcome and you will all be shocked. Florida St. wins 13-10. It has been the same score ever since the teams started playing. Xavier Beitia no longer kicks for the 'Noles and therefore they will be victorious. I'd also like to predict 2 FSU players will be stabbed with buried shanks during the course of play. The "U" recruits from juvenile detention centers across Florida and they are a bunch of fucking soldiers.

Mitch Kozad. Guilty of 2nd degree assault for sticking a 5 inch knife in the starting punter's kicking leg. One of the funniest stories from '06 has come to an end. Let us hope we can be graced with something similar this year. Personally, I am rooting for the Trojan warrior to fall off of his horse while waving his sword around being a flamer and falling onto Pete Carrol so the sword impales his manhood. So as I'm dodging lightning bolts from above I am going to just say this for fun and laughter... Texas over Louisville in a landslide and Mack Brown gets another championship.